Great Moments in Imbecility

From the Austrian Times:

Viorel Firoiu, 48, turned up at the local general hospital in Orlea, southern Romania, complaining of incredible abdominal pains.

Doctors who carried out an x-ray of the man were amazed to find not one but two hammerheads stuck up his backside.

Dr Cristina Bontescu, spokeswoman for the local hospital where he turned up at the emergency unit, said: “He was a bit drunk and said he had been eating cherries that had left him badly constipated. He said he had a few drinks to dull the pain and then came up with the idea of poking a hammerhead up his backside in the hope of sorting out the constipation.

Ugliest Dog Contest

This year’s winner is Pabst, a boxer-mix from Citrus Heights, CA.  Personally, I love Miss Elle (below), a 15 year-old blind Chinese Hairless, who won the pedigree category.

Noah Berger, AP

Smiling Prohibited at Virginia DMV’s

As if anyone smiled there anyways.

Canadian Official Eats Seal’s Heart

The Canadian Governor General, Michaelle Jean, did so to show her solidarity with hunters and fisherman who’s livelihood my be impeded by recent European Union legislation banning Canadian Seal Products.

Ms Jean used a traditional Inuit knife to help gut the animal then ate a slice of raw heart.

It came weeks after the EU voted to ban Canadian seal products, but Ms Jean did not say if her actions were in response to the EU proposals.

An EU spokeswoman said the story was “too bizarre to acknowledge”.

She said the raw hear “was delicious.”

Photo-Op With Cadavers

A new collection of photographs showcasing a very morbid sense of humor:

Dissection includes dozens of images of late-19th- and early-20th-century medical students posing, often in comedic manners, with cadavers and skeletons…

…the dead are in unnatural positions, either by themselves or with students. A cadaver smokes a pipe; skeletons play cards; skeletons hug their dissectors; skeletons are even propped up to appear as though they are dissecting sleeping students.

Indians Vote, Then Give The Finger

This Indian couple is demonstrating, not their misanthropic worldview, but a decision by Indian officials to avoid marking the traditionally-used index finger to mark voters.

The Election Commission is ensuring your message goes out loud and clear — they are giving your index finger a go-by, and painting your middle finger with indelible ink instead. A Commission official said the change was necessitated by the recently-concluded elections to local bodies in some parts of the country. “Since these voters will still have their index fingers marked, we decided to uniformly mark the middle finger of the left hand,” he said.

Is Swine Flu Serious?

Seems like it may be more so than I had thought:

The mortality in Mexico is shockingly high:  81 cases out of 1300, or about 6%.  The great Spanish Flu pandemic, on the other hand, had a mortality of about 2.5%.  Normal rates for flu are less than a tenth of 1%, with most of those deaths occurring in people who are already weak:  children, the elderly, the immunocompromised.  The Spanish Flu hit hardest the 15-34 age group, who seem to have been done in by their own strong immune response.  It’s not clear which pattern this flu follows.

Masturbate-A-Thon

Mark your calendars for May 2.  There’s still time to join the event, which celebrates National Masturbation Month.

Although most men and women today are aware that masturbation isn’t a “degrading act,” as past generations might have been taught, many are still constrained by the notion that it’s a selfish, immature activity or a second-rate substitute for partner sex. We live in a society in which sexual expression has always been legislated and restricted and the pursuit of pure pleasure is frequently condemned as egoistic or childish.

The Masturbate-a-Thon is dedicated to honoring masturbation as an excellent way to have sex while also raising money for non-profits.

In addition, there are competitions for Longest Squirt Distance, Longest Time Spent Masterbating, Most Orgasms, and Tag Teams.  And if you’re not going to be in the Bay Area, you can watch it online!

(Oh, in case you were wondering, the record for longest time masturbating was  6h 30m for a woman; 8h 30m for a man)

Sean Hannity Volunteers To Be Waterboarded

It occured while he Hannity interviewed actor Charles Grodin.  During a tit-a-tat spar, Grodin asked if Hannity supports the use of torture.

HANNITY: I am for enhanced interrogation.

GRODIN: You don’t believe it’s torture. Have you ever been waterboarded?

HANNITY: No, but Ollie North has.

GRODIN: Would you consent to be waterboarded? We can waterboard you?

HANNITY: Sure.

GRODIN: Are you busy on Sunday?

HANNITY: I’ll do it for charity. I’ll let you do it. I’ll do it for the troops’ families.

More here.

Can Nicotine Gum Give You Cancer?

If you’re trying to quit smoking, you may want to consider going cold turkey.

Scientists have discovered a link between mouth cancer and exposure to nicotine, which may indicate that using oral nicotine replacement therapies for long periods could contribute to a raised risk of the disease.

…the effects of a genetic mutation that is common in mouth cancer can be worsened by nicotine in the levels that are typically found in smoking cessation products.

Biting Off Your Own Penis

Didn’t think it was possible, but this guy did it:

Damiene Iriarte, 26, was picked up naked behind a building in Brooklyn with a bleeding penis. Apparently he had bit off the tip of his own member. Iriarte is a convicted pedophile. “How he did it? Limber, I guess. Not the work of a sane mind,” a police source told the New York Daily News.